When I was a game tester, I spent a lot of time talking with other geeks about movies. “A lot of time”, in this case, means well over 30 hours a week. It was a constant subject amongst a group of (sort-of-but-not-really) like-minded nerds, and something that never failed to generate lenghty debates and more than a few heated arguments. It was a sure fire way to ward off boredom during a 12-hour shift banging polygons together or checking every word of text in the latest Pokemon iteration.
I learned, over the course of these many “discussions”, that people are fucking idiots. In general, yes, but especially when it comes to movies and entertainment. It is genuinely offensive to the alpha nerd in the wild for another of his genus to have a differing opinion. Hey, jackass: I like different things than you. And I’m pretty sure that has ZERO effect on your ability to like and dislike the things that you do. So why, exactly, does one feel the burning need to leap out of their tiny cubicle two rows over, storm up to me at my own veal pen, and go on a tirade about how I’m a mouth-breathing moron for even hinting that I like The Chronicles of Riddick, and that I shouldn’t be allowed in the workforce until I’ve learned better judgment?
Yeah, that actually happened.
On another occasion, we were discussing our favorite zombie movies. I found out the hard way that there was a Romero Zealot at the table when I engaged in the following conversation:
Me: I really liked the remake of Dawn of the Dead. I thought it-
RZ: That movie is garbage.
Me: …
RZ: Zombies that run? Come on, that’s bullshit.
Me: Bullshit? Why?
RZ: It’s completely unrealistic!
Me: …
RZ: ::defiant stare::
Me: And the dead rising from their graves to consume living flesh is what? Documentary filmmaking?
RZ: Fast moving zombies are crap.
Me: I liked them fine in 28 Days Later.
RZ: Those aren’t zombies.
Me: What?
RZ: They’re not zombies.
Me: Um… Sure they are. They’re mindless, flesh-eating predators in the shells of once-living humans.
RZ: Not zombies.
Me: Yes, they are.
RZ: No, they’re not.
Me: …
RZ: Not zombies.
I got up and walked away without another word. I haven’t spoken to that douche-nozzle since, and that was 7 years ago.
It’s conversations like these that point me right at people who have forgotten how to JUST HAVE SOME FUCKING FUN. Who gives a flying baboon’s taint if Constantine was a shitty adaptation of Hellblazer? Why the shit do you care if Antonio Banderas plays an Arab? And why on God’s giant spinning disco fuckball should anyone care that A Knight’s Tale has a classic rock soundtrack!?!
What’s worse is lauding one piece of cheesy fun while panning another. Did you think Cutthroat Island was stupid, but enjoyed Pirates of the Caribbean? Watch them back to back and tell me how truly different they are. Plus, the undead pirates have a fucking dance number. Did you like The Mummy and hate Van Helsing? They’re the same damn movie.
You know what these movies are? FUN. Romps, if you will. Why the hell is “turn your brain off” used as a derisive term to describe movies? Maybe I actually want to do that every so often. Not every piece of entertainment needs to be thought provoking or intelligent. Sometimes it’s just escapism. You know, for enjoyment. And that is 100% okay.
So let it be okay. Turn your brain off every so often. ON PURPOSE. Don’t be a zealot about any subject, because you close yourself off to interpretations that might just entertain you. And don’t get up in someone’s face about liking something different from you. If we all liked the same shit this place would be really bland.
Engage in the escapism that’s being offered instead of dimestore-analyzing all of the merriment out of your whole goddamn life and maybe, instead of constantly arguing with the people who are supposed to be your contemporaries, you might actually find a smile on your face every so often.
