I had an interesting experience on Facebook recently, that highlighted a topic I’d like to discuss: the curation of social media feeds.
A discussion began on Facebook regarding Ello, a new social network that’s gone viral pretty quickly, focusing on Ello’s (current) lack of a “Block/Report” function. A Facebook friend talked about how she has to deal with assholes in her Facebook and Twitter feeds all the time.
Side note: This particular discussion never entered the realms of gender bias, misogyny, or harassment that have been highly visible of late. This was just dealing with general asshattery
I entered the conversation to discuss how it’s an issue I rarely have to deal with. She, and another in the thread, discussed how they would friend people on Facebook, or follow them back on Twitter, who seemed initially normal, but then some national event would occur that would cause them to fly their douchwaffle flag high, and how every few months she’d have to go on a Blocking spree.
At this point, I said that I spend a lot of time and energy curating and pruning my social media feeds, specifically to avoid these sorts of encounters. She snarked that I’m “lucky to NEVER have to deal” with assholes. I replied by saying I don’t consider it “luck”, to which she took personal offense, blew up at me a little bit (lots of expletives were used), then unfriended me.
I hadn’t been Facebook friends with her long, but in that short time we’d had a ton of reasonable and fun conversations. She’s a fellow author and geek, and we have a lot of common interests. After months of positive interactions, this one seemingly trivial disagreement was enough for her to sever that connection.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m never going to fault a person for unfriending me. Especially after I’d just espoused the idea that pruning social media feeds is prudent and can lead to a better experience. I’m also not that broken up about the “loss”, because – as I see it – if you unfriend/unfollow me from your end, then you’ve saved me a click.
It does, however, serve to illustrate how my social media philosophy differs with many (most?) people. I see many complaining about the things they see in their social media feeds on a daily basis. It might be politics or entertainment or just frivolous crap, but a prevailing attitude seems to be “I can’t believe this bullshit shows up in my feed.” But, here’s the thing: YOU are the master of your social media feeds. You control what you see and do not see, and if there are people spouting shit that you don’t want to read, it is neither their fault, nor the fault of the social media platform. It’s all on you.
I will make one clarification: I understand that one does not necessarily control everything they see on Twitter. Without making your Twitter profile private, anyone can see what you post and anyone can @-reply you, so it’s pretty easy for asshats to harass people by posting ignorant bullshit in @-replies. This is difficult to control, and gets worse and worse the more popular you are on Twitter. So, when I’m talking about “curating your feed”, I specifically mean the people you Friend on Facebook – which is an entirely different, two-way relationship – and the people you actually Follow on Twitter.
A lot of people will complain that the people they follow on Twitter aren’t that bad, but the shit they retweet is crazytown bananapants. I hate to break this to everyone, but retweets are just as indicative if someone’s opinion as their normal posts, unless they’re retweeting ironically (which happens a lot, but usually you can tell). If you can’t stand the shit that someone’s retweeting – and you can’t tell if they’re doing it in a joking fashion – then, actually, you can’t stand that person’s Twitter feed.
It is, in my opinion, even worse to complain about an influx of ignorant bullshit or abuse on Facebook. When someone sends you a friend request, it requires your approval. You are responsible for any and everything that shows up in your Facebook feed, with the exception of the occasional post that shows up when one of your friends comments on it (and, in that case, it shouldn’t piss you off because you’re not directly involved in any way). But, in both cases, what you see in your actual feed is all on you.
None of this is to say that I don’t ever seen stupid shit on social media. The difference, I think, is that I research the people I friend and follow (unless I know them in real life). So, if that kind of garbage exists in their feed already, I actively work to prevent it from getting into my feed. On both Twitter and Facebook, this manifests in reading a person’s individual feed before following them or accepting a friend request and/or preemptively blocking asswipes before they ever become a problem for me.
The worst attitude I see regarding social media – and yet the one that’s probably the most common – is that a friend/follow relationship on a site is somehow obligatory. As though one needs to fight to maintain said relationships like they were a real friendship. Or that if someone follows you on a lurk site like Twitter, that you’re somehow obligated to follow them back without looking into them beforehand until the nature of their idiocy is revealed in full glory.
As much as I want to be sympathetic when someone talks about their feed filling up with detritus, I just can’t. You put yourself there. Just a bit more effort, a bit more due diligence at the outset, will prevent a world of annoyance and frustration later on. That effort has measurable results, which is why I don’t consider my social media feeds’ lack of choad-yodelers “luck”. It’s also why I didn’t take offense or, really, care much when I was unfriended for my opinion on the matter.
For me, social media management decisions are easy. I don’t agonize over them or worry about what someone thinks. I’m quick on the draw with the “block” button, and have zero compunctions unfriending and unfollowing people. It’s made my online presence a much happier place, and it’s a philosophy that I think more people should adopt.
